• Ps. Kailash Chawan
• Relationship

FATHERLESSNESS & GOD THE FATHER

Fathers have been negatively portrayed in our society. They are projected to be harsh, brut, and strict. Fathers do not show emotions and they exist there to punish children. They don’t show their love and he is someone you should be afraid of. Even mothers will warn their children to have their father deal with them when they misbehave and needs discipline. A loving, gentle, and understanding father exists one in thousands. This is the image of our father in our families and societies. 

Fathers' roles and responsibilities are limited only to being the bread earner of the family and if they fail, they have failed as fathers. The need and importance of fatherhood are suppressed and undervalued. In general, many children have the least closeness and affectionate relationship with their fathers. The cultural mindset engraved in the hearts of the children distances them from their fathers.

On the other hand, many families, especially children, grow up without a father. In some cases, the father has left the family or is divorced and the mother solely raises the children. In many cases, fathers are absent in the lives of the children. They are busy working to provide for the family. After work, others are habituated to spending time with their friends having fun, gambling, or getting drunk instead of getting back home. Many children are also born and raised in a single-parent home. They don’t have their fathers involved in their lives. There are lesser or no father-children engagement and time together. 

Fathers are so important to the family and society. The very root of the problems that are affecting society today is fatherlessness. Every child needs a father figure. Our families and societies are turning into fatherlessness. When the father figure is undermined and disregarded over a period and generation, families and societies turn blind eyes to the need for a father. We are already feeling the effects of a father figure missing in families and society. 

Many children who have grown up without fathers, in general, have made statements of doing well in life with no need for a father in terms of food, shelter, and money. The success of our children is not determined only by money, job, and things they possess. The presence of a father in a home is not only about provision and protection but more than anything, they provide structures to the family and develop the family. A family with an engaging father is more likely to succeed beyond wealth and material gains. The overall well-being of children must be considered.

Social interactions and behaviors in children can be positively or negatively affected by the presence or absence of fathers. Although there are many factors leading to antisocial behavior among children, fatherlessness is one that significantly affects them. Humans are social beings and social behavior is learned and experienced in a healthy family where fathers are equally involved in the lives of the children. 

Fathers are critical to child development. Studies show that when women feel they have been rejected by their fathers, they have a fear of rejection and abandonment by everyone around them. They have a fear of commitment, a feeling of being unworthy and of being unlovable. It is important especially for girls to experience love, affection, touch, and hugs from a father. This will help them understand and distinguish the same from other men. Good touch and bad touch are easily distinguished when a father is actively engaged in the lives of their daughters. They are less likely to get into a relationship at an early age. A daughter must see her prince charming in her father or else she goes out yearning for the prince charming. Many of them will find their prince charming at the wrong place. As a result, there are high chances of physical sexual relationships and premarital pregnancy. 

The effect of fatherlessness is a high degree of aggression, violence, and expressions of anger for guys. Boys need these models of manhood, of how to be a man and they are losing out on that by not having fathers involved in their lives. Shouldering responsibility, problem-solving skills, and respecting people, especially the opposite sex is learned from fathers. 

The record in the US shows that 71% of all high school dropouts come from fatherless homes. 71% of all pregnant teenagers, 85% of all children with behavior disorders, and 90% of all homeless and runaway children come from a fatherless home. 63% of youth suicides are from fatherless homes. 85% of all youth in prison come from fatherless homes. 

Fathers are important to the spiritual development of children. Your relationship with your biological father will affect your relationship with your God the Father. Many children have difficulty trusting and understanding God and His love because they have not experienced that from their father. For example, if their father punishes them all the time, they see their God as someone who punishes rather than a God full of grace. If their father is angry always, they see their God getting angry for their mistakes. It has been said a child is not likely to find a Father in God unless he finds something of God in his father. Studies have found that when fathers attend the church 80% of the children follow them. Christian families are stronger when fathers take the lead in their families. 

One of the most notable things Isaac did was call upon the name of the Lord and build an altar (Gen 26:25). This is notable because Isaac followed the example of his father Abraham (Gen 12:7,8, 13:4,18, 22;5). He learned to prioritize calling on the name of God and worshipping God from his father Abraham. 

No father is perfect and God is not looking for perfect fathers. Our families and societies need fathers. We must restore broken families. Our children are distanced, broken, and hurting, and nothing can restore them except fathers. 
Malachi 4:6 “And he will turn the hearts of fathers to their children and the hearts of children to their fathers…” (ESV)

If you don’t have a father, or you lost your father early in your life, or your father was absent in your life, know that our God is not only our God but our Father too. Rom 8:15 “…the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by Him, we cry, “Abba, Father.” (NIV). He can fill your life and the void you have experienced. He can heal your wounds and the pain you have experienced even from your earthly father. He wants to build a relationship with us. He wants us to experience His love, protection, and His provisions. He wants to be involved in our life. He will never leave us nor abandon us.

The love people yearn for in this world will remain unfulfilled. The world and people today are in a state of brokenness; unable to give and receive the true love of the Father. Only God can give us Dad’s satisfying, extravagant, and unconditional love and acceptance that humans are longing for. There is no perfect love than the love of Dad. There is no perfect Lover than our Dad. Rom 5:5 “...God’s love has been poured out into our hearts...”