A Losing Battle Turned to Victory
I ran faster and faster trying to outrun You; refusing to let You have any hold on me, refusing to let You have control over me, refusing to surrender. I fought You for my sovereignty. I desperately fought to have control over my own life. I fought with God to be the god over my life. The thought of letting go of my (misunderstood) freedom and let someone else be in charge of my life terrified me. I fought and I fought till I had nothing to fight with, till fighting with You left me void and discontent. I was trying to cross an ocean without knowing how to swim; I surely would have drowned. I was fighting a losing battle. At the end when nothing made sense, when everything overwhelmed me, when all other voices were trying to break me and put out my last remaining fire; I had to turn to the One who wouldn’t. I had to return to the one who had said He would not snuff out a smouldering wick. I bowed down my head with a broken heart that was thankful for the grace You showed that I didn’t deserve. Your love broke me, it broke my pride, it broke my selfish heart, it brought my guards down and showed me what it means to give up control of my life over to You. The power of Your love drained all the fight out of me. I lifted my white flag; for how could I win against the Lion of Judah or the Lord of hosts? I never knew the beauty of surrender till I surrendered my life to You, willingly. Oh how sweet it is to gain my true freedom in surrender! I give up control over my life, I give up control over everything I have and everything I am. Come and do as You may. Break me and mould me into any vessel of Your choosing. I’m Yours, I’m Yours to do as You see fit.
